ex wants to be friends after years

The funny part is that we have a tendency to build these big ideas and feelings up in our heads and when it comes time to actually execute or experience them we find that its a little more difficult than we thought. He just came back and asked if he was allowed to be a part of my life. He says that he wants to be friends and doesnt know what the future holds. After all, who better to understand them than the person they went through a breakup with? Another study found that being friends with your ex is more likely to hold you back from moving on. You will have to go above and beyond real friendship. Generally speaking the more you trust the person the more powerful the conversation can be. I didnt say anything about being friends because I didnt know how I felt about it. Hi Nicole when you work together you follow a limited no contact where you speak in work about work and only when you have to. She offered me We can still hang out and have fun. If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but you're not going to try to establish friendship. Set boundaries if you consider being friends with them so that it would not affect your current or future relationships. When he feels the need to speak to you, he will contact you. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. Fast forward to today. If your ex wants to have a conversation with you, and you simply ignore that wish, how do you think rekindling is ever going to work? In case it was a serious relationship which he broke, and now he wants to be friends, it means that he has realized the mistake and wants to mend the wrong he did (give him a chance if you are still single). You do that which portrays high self-esteem. by Chris Richardson. In the previous chapter, I mentioned a few positive things you should work on to boost your attraction level. Breaking up is the toughest phase of ones life, especially when you and your partner have known each other for a long time. For other their best friends may hold the top position. When a narcissist wants to be your friend . All you can do is go full no contact and wait for her to process the breakup. Your current partner might be aware of what went down between you and your ex. Yes, this is a real gem of a reason to be friends with an ex. The reason for that could be that his new friends arent as great as he thought or perhaps there are other issues he is currently facing. Take your time when it comes to responding. Whether it be property, a pet, social circle, or most definitively children, your ex may want to keep the peace and stay friendly for those reasons. Once the decision to become friends again has been made, your ex must start initiating conversations and leading them as well. After her masters degree in Commerce, she acquired a PG Diploma in Communication and Journalism from Mumbai University. Then he slowly grew more distant after I left and I responded by being clingy and not responding well to him not reciprocating interest in me. The fact that your boyfriend still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life. This is 3 months after the breakup. When I went to visit him we both had a good time. In longer relationships (meaning those that have lasted over a year that I discuss in another article,) its important that after the breakup you make some distance between you using important methods such as radio silence, or the no contact rule. Its hard to imagine friendship without contact. I know her behaviour. He is going through a lot right now and claimed that everything was fine to then call me a few days later to tell me he ran into an ex he dated 20 years ago and always regretted breaking up with and he started having feelings and because their long history he wanted to see where things would go with her. We would be less than lovers but more than friends in my head. He then went on to send me a screenshot showing that he has not removed any of our photo albums from his phone and he told me that even though we are together I should know how he really feels about me. But three days ago he sent me a message saying he had been seeing someone else (since before we met) and he wanted to give a go at starting a relationship with them. Then three weeks later he breaks up saying,its him and not me. That he thought this time itd be different because I was so cool and he really liked me, but the same old feelings came in like with all the others hed been with. Being friends with an ex that wants to control you is pretty much the same as dating them. Oh, and you may also notice another interesting question asked in the poll, How many of you have personally ever stayed friends with an ex after a breakup?. So how can you climb out of this friends zone when your ex wants to be friends with you? The sooner you let her know she cant contact you anymore, the better. This was all right before things went silent. If you remember the quote above, you will understand that its up to your ex who has to do all the work from now on. For some people, this idea breaks their heart because theyre still in love with the person and they want to get back together. When he offers you that friendship months down the road after the breakup, put your guard up. Youll have another type with a stranger. And if you know your relationship felt suffocating, being friends with this person will likely be the same. To dumpers, its incredibly empowering, and one of the reasons why exes come back into our lives. I have three main thoughts Id like to discuss with regards to this question. Do not meet up with him for a while now. In these cases, reconciling could take a few days to a few years. Shes reaching out just to appease guilt and see what youre up to. My ex and I ended our relationship for nearly 3 months. I resigned my job partly because of my ex. We have a circle of mutual friends. They gloat over the unfair control they have over peoples life. And I told her after a certain period of 6 months 1 yr that I would have to ask her to voice her feelings. It is not a good idea to be friends with your ex just because they are afraid of change. in the beginning so I started one 9 days ago. They seem to believe that love somehow makes human beings selfless. Friends can fall out of love, and that's not uncommon or unusual. It is probably a mess in your head right now. Sutton Stracke expressed that if she had . You are simply looking to remain friends with them and thats it. The same can be said for your ex when he suddenly wants to be friends with you again. My ex husband was not ready for the real world consequences of leaving his marriage so he had been moving slowly. That means the fear of loss, anxiety I was feeling around her behaviour is true. Therapist and author of Temptations of the Single Girl, Nina Atwood, said it is not necessarily wrong to stay friends with an ex, but she advises that it can be challenging, and can leave you in a tough spot emotionally. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. Then he asked to meet up again soon. For some people when a relationship ends it means that its over and that youre not supposed to keep seeing each other and be in touch for months or years to come. Melinda, 46, a journalist, confides: "I can't really completely heal from the breakup unless we stay in touch. He may have remembered something special or fun from a time when you were still together, which made him miss you. He or she looks for things you possess so you can raise their social status and overall health. She then said, my feelings are going down. Therefore, they try sweetening up things by stating that we can at least be friends.. How do you think I should go about this cause Im stuck. Instead, you may focus on yourself, engage in activities you like, and work towards healing yourself from the past wounds. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesnt necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. When youve got an ex that wants to be friends, the very first step is to figure out exactly what you want deep down. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. This past week he called me to tell me he misses me, that he has been having a hard time with the breakup, and wanted to make sure I was okay. I was upset when he suggested and told him off. However, that did not happen, and now they are left stranded. We hadnt said anything to each other all day, and he put one of those YOLO things on his story where people send you messages anonymously. I kept myself busy even though this was still painful. I sent him a heartfelt text and then left things be. Theres no reason or problem for her to be unhappy and make problems out of nothing. On the other hand, not every breakup has to be highly conflicted, and two people can always remain good friends. I said what can I do, when covid is over, Ill travel to live near her area and I made all plans. My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. After going through all of that I can confidently say that there are three primary reasons for why an ex would want to remain friends with you after a breakup and all of them have to do with their own self interest. Hi Jess, no do not open his snaps it really is not important that you keep your streak You need to go into a NC and stick with it for at least 30 days. Could you be dating someone else and youre actually happier without him? I have been practicing the no contact rule for the most part. So about a month ago me and my ex broke up after 9 months of being together. This is the most obvious reason. You need to get him investing into texting you, and then calling you before you start meeting up. The best way for them to increase their karma is to talk to their ex the person they have hurt in the past, and steal his/her forgiveness. On top of that, its not easy to meet someone new when youre still seeing your ex. For instance, if you were hurt badly in the relationship and dont want to interact with them anymore, you may oppose being friends with them. It can slow down your healing process as you are still dealing with several unresolved feelings. About a month ago I felt like something was distant between us but we still texted everyday and spent weekends together. Copyright 2011 - 2023 MomJunction Private Limited. Your ex may want to be friends with you only to experience the thrill of seeing you concede to their requests for friendship. To be fair, this is more common with a casual or short-term relationship. I never did. We would talk every day and I felt like we had a good connection. If you have made the first contact after the break up but he hasn't responded with even a rejection then it can be highly frustrating. As you know, people dont tend to learn much the nice way. He apologised and asked me to be friends. Even attempted to cheat right before he broke up with me. Why Is The Dumper Silent After A Breakup? Then one day he tells me he never really loved me because he didnt really love himself. I initiated no contact, and I was started to feel better. He said if I ever needed someone to talk to that he was here. Youre going to take advantage of thistherefore keep in touch. 1. This is why we . 15 Signs Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You, 12 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Texting You After A Breakup, 27 Definite Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back To You, 15 Important Things To Say To Your Ex Girlfriend To Win Her Back, 12 Common Couple Sleeping Positions And What They Mean, 30 Most Useful Long Distance Date Ideas To Keep You Connected, 12 Clear Signs He Is Hurt After The Breakup And What To Do, 15 Romantic Picnic Ideas For Couples To Have An Amazing Time, 25 Subtle Signs He Likes You More Than A Friend, 250+ Deep Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend, 56 Best Father-Daughter Dance Songs Of All Time, Leo and Cancer Compatibility: Love, Life And Friendship, Leo And Libra Compatibility: Love, Friendship And Sex, 25 Tips For Giving Him Space Without Losing Him, 55 Heart-touching, Sad Paragraphs For Her And Him, 101 Best And Happy 30th Birthday Quotes, Wishes And Messages, 221 Interesting Questions To Ask Your Best Friends, Cancer And Capricorn Love And Friendship Compatibility, How To Attract An Aries Man: 15 Simple Ways, Twin Flame Separation: Causes, Signs And How To Deal With It, 55 Best Mother-Daughter Songs That Will Melt Your Heart. Well me and my girlfriend weve been dating for around 3 years. Two days later he messaged me upset that I unadded him and that we thought I didnt want to be friends. The mix of anxiety and fear of loss, genuinely make you think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity a bargain deal, meant for you to take it. That went pretty well, we just chatted and played. Guilt Can Drive You Towards Being Friends with Your Ex. After 2 years of crap, being friends with ex is not on my list. Because he is getting what he wants with no commitment. If you were good friends before you took things forward, chances are your ex is reaching out because they miss your company. There could be reasons ranging from regrets to a desire for intimacy.
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