You have no context. I couldnt watch TV on my parents couch for three days straight while they waited on me when I was sick. I try to remind myself of that when The Knot (magazine) likes to tell me that the cheapest weddings they cover cost $30k). Should you be worried that your partner doesn't seem invested in your wedding? No. He sounds very pragmatic. Schedule breaks. This guy took me back after I screwed up and I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have. Honestly, I see some red flags in your post, on both of your parts. There are tons of women who only care about the wedding, as opposed to the actual marriage, and we all know what results from that don't we? In other words, you seem more interested in the show than simply getting engaged. I am 100 percent sure that I need to figure myself out before wasting time and energy on a wedding. I feel like such a horrible person. Can you help her through this? It was around 4 or 5 months. Its meaning became the battle cry of an impoverished people, who were relying on the charismatic, newly-inaugurated Roosevelt to lead them through the valley of the Great Depression. Reply VIP July 2016 I kinda feel like I have been putting on a front to people. I feel guilty because I just want to get it over with already. It's already a red flag that OP wasn't anymore genuinely excited and happy about the proposal. Clare Regelbrugge, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, Sign in to comment to your favorite stories, participate in your community and interact with your friends. I was wildly overwhelmed contemplating my new future tethered to another human being, and all anyone wanted to talk about was peonies. I am hoping once we settle on a location and date things will be more fun. Selma Blair Gives Life Advice To Her Younger Self. Emerging technology also made it more accessible for the average citizen to view or read this speech. I'm not excited to get engaged to my boyfriend anymore . I didn't have a dream proposal. Most of his close friends proposed to their girlfriends this summer, and now our impending proposal feels like a consolation prize. MrsHunter I kind of feel like that a lot too. We have been together 3 and a half I recently got engaged, and I love this man more than anything, but I am not excited to get married and have a wedding. Many posters are correct that OP says she needs to get over the looks thing and be happy. Letting myself fail at snowboarding has been freeing. Radhi, SUNY Stony Brook3. 1 - The Thought Of Being Married Scares You Or Causes Anxiety Wedding day jitters are normal, there's a lot of planning that goes into one day so it's only natural you're going to be a little jittery. Red flags to look out for are your partner: not setting a date or continually pushing the date off and not wanting to talk about the wedding at all, she says. - Take time off from wedding planning. That's an amazing thing. Dont get me wrong, yallI love my fianc. Thank you girls for all the advice. When he said we need to talk, its like my body knew exactly what he was going to say. But I also had to make a massive choice instantly, right then and there. You've probably done this at least once in your life or at least seen a tweet where someone posted their screenshots with a potential love interest. Minus Friday night football games and the occasional sleepover at your best friends house, how did we ever have any fun? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. All of that other stuff should not matter! I didnt want to get messages from people I hadnt talked to in years. It's going to be messy. In Response to : My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married for awhile now. Some people care too much about the party and not enough about what it celebrates - the marriage - which is usually not okay. But it's even better when your partner wants to have a voice. No. I'm getting married in 49 days and I'm not excited!! For me, wedding planning is just not the most fun thing Ive ever done. But the key here is 'a little'. He is. And don't put a dollar sign in front of it. Just five months before his assassination, President Kennedy traveled to Berlin to reassure the citizens of West Berlin that they were approved of-- and protected-- by the United States. "Feeling married" or "like I'm getting married" didn't really happen until I was reading my vows to my husband. The longer I have been engaged the more often I seem to get this question. You've gotten engaged and now it's time to start planning your dream wedding.But besides getting down on a knee and giving you a ring, your fiancee doesn't seem too interested in getting married . You fought because he forgot a present. I think when we go get our marriage license that will be a thing. Saying goodbye to my best friend for another 15 weeks is almost an impossible task but I guess that's why they made iPhones. 4. I am getting a lot of grief because I am not sure I want to change my name. My FI and I run up against this on birthdays (which I blow WAY out of proportion) and getaway weekends. I do not know if love him the way I should. You hear your phone go off. You need to talk this out with him in therapy. Not everyone will be happy. When will it feel like I'm getting actually married and not just planning? Keep this in mind as you start planning if she's the type to dole out hurtful comments based on her own preferences. Also the whole "my mother not being happy about my engagement" really hurted me, I cried for a whole day and it basically sucked out all my excitement and happiness about the whole engagement. Six months later he moved in and we have been living together since then. Have you ever considered if there are other fish in the sea? I want to be happy, to want to run home from work because I can't wait to see the person I am involved with. If not, just remember you are not her. Each of us could both comfortably say things like, When were married, Ill get to join your health insurance without thinking the other was crazy. Neither is happy about the situation. If NYE doesnt elicit glowy, reminiscent feelings, youre not alone. I try to take time off but then something pops up I need to handle and I can't shut my head off. Its fine, but his mom wants her hand in everything else. To this day, he is the only president to willingly step down from an active term. But I need someone to show that they want me for me, that they're not just using me to chase the idea of being in a relationship. Less than an hour after the speech's delivery, Congress approved for the United States to formally join the Allies in WWII. Try not to put expectations on how you should be feeling. President Bush left his reading appointment at an elementary school to fly to New York and stand among the rubble with emergency workers and press surrounding him. And, not to be mean towards your Mom, but fuck her. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. There's usually at least one person who may come off as less supportive or elated as the rest of your friends and family. I've gotta start my wed shred first!". Congratulations! Getting engaged is a lot to think about for anyone, but for me it felt like so much all at once that I couldnt breathe. Selma Blair goes through a box of photo memories from her life and career, giving advice to her younger self in the process. Rehearsal Dinners, Bridal Showers & Parties. (Pinterest and the entire wedding industry will not help you on this point--it's in their interest to get you excited about "visions" and spend $$. We thought about eloping but I know that my parents really wanta wedding and I do want to give them one. The terrorist attacks of that fateful morning made another date which will live in infamy. So after I finally got through my thick skull that I was engaged I was in SHOCK. and you can't remember another single thing. I want to be giddy with excitement about getting engaged. I could get sick or my fianc could get sick. Granted, this isn't something that everyone will experience, but it's definitely something that I did. Is happiness not a part of the package? And then the guilt hits. It might come before you walk down the aisle, it might come when the night is over. Hearing about all of their crazy first semester adventures, visiting your favorite restaurants, and spending entirely too much time driving around your suburban hometown looking for plans is definitely something to look forward too (well, mostly). Do be careful throughout wedding planning that you don't get too caught up in how things are "supposed" to go or what you had imagined. It means you are so close and everything is done. It's that this time I'm. I was ecstatic that he proposed. There, I said it. I wonder if this relationship could be one of these getting-married-because-everyone-around-us-tells-us-to. Not Excited Over My Engagement The Knot Community Well let me start off explaining how I got engaged and maybe that can also help you girls see clearly where I come from or correct me if I am exaggerating. So we got married in Vegas. It took getting engaged for the logistical hardships I was ignoring to crystalize. I mean, at the moment when the person you love proposes (regardless of how he proposes) the last thing you should be worried about is your hair and and makeup and outfit. The horrible stress wasnt about picking the right guy. Felt so exited love my dress its a dream come true.Since it was my B-Day FH took me out to dinner didnt talk about the wedding all night..It was just about us..so come on April 23,2016, time in your life. Get out now. Looking at the situation rationally, however, I am probably hurting him every day because I am sure what I am feeling comes though my daily actions. They're all around the same age as us and their relationships are 1-3 years shorter than ours. Not with the wedding, which is not more than a glorified party, but with all the emotional upheaval that inevitably happensduringthe process. We've been together for 5 1/2 years. When will I have my moment? Why are you assuming people are going to be rude? Now I thought, God Ill never get back there. I should be so excited but the fun isn't there anymore. Not yet. We went a few places, I got my ring, and bam! Jennifer Kustanovich, SUNY Stony Brook5. You say that he deserves more, but so do you. I do think this makes a difference. What is important to me is that it was personal and the fact that we were actually getting married - not the proposal itself. Has to be a mutual decision, but she can still be excited about the idea of it. The Knot Community I recently got engaged, and I love this man more than anything, but I am not excited to get married and have a wedding. Being with my favorite girls getting ready, marrying the man of my dreams, and having a huge party with everyone I love celebrating with me. We were engaged for 4 years before I even started planning!! I was numb to the pain because of how many people I was surrounded with at all times. That felt childish, and Im officially an adult now. FYI, this is who you are now: engaged. The difference between "it's important to you so I'll do it because you are important. He is also selfish, lazy, and angry at times, and finds it difficult to move past obstacles (fights, disagreements, etc). If you are engaged and you aren't sure you should be getting married, STOP PLANNING THE WEDDING. It's fine. A couple weekends ago, his friend C (27 M) got engaged. Please don't sell yourself short. Much to my horror, I could sympathize with the woman on this season of The Bachelor whose occupation is listed only as "twin.". It would be so nice to have someone who supports me, who I can talk to about anything and who can cuddle with me. The easiest way to save yourself from a painful divorce after years or decades of a miserable marriage is to not get married if you are not absolutely certain you want to. Maybe thats why planning is healing for some women. My husband proposed to me while sitting on a bench inparking lot of Disney World, after a really hectic, frustrating day there(busiest day of the year). #Blessed for not having to eat packaged food for every meal. "I was hoping to have more of your involvement. I couldnt just quit my job and go visit one of my college friends in France for two months, like I did at 24. I am also so thankful for my amazingly supportive family. So, yeah, be happy you're engaged, but perhaps you both need to acknowledge your potential differences and understand how you'll have to reconcile those in the future. It's hard with all the planning and stress to let yourself get excited but your day will come :-). Other than this mess, I am a well-established, rational individual. There's a difference between genuinely not having an opinion and saying something like "Do we have to talk about this again? Of course these are not the only reasons, but they are near the top. I agree that it is hard to have parents not excited for you or not as approving as you would hope. Once again, I thank you all for taking the time to advice me and give it to me straight. I hope for a special day where I can celebrate the love that my fianc and I share for each other with the people we love the most. I thought it was a normal gift (looked nothing like a ring box) and when I opened it I thought it was a joke, he didn't say anything, he didn't kneelhe just looked at me and said if I wanted to be with him. I've been in a relationship for 10 years with a truly great person. We have been engaged for a couple of years. He condemned the monstrosity that had occurred in Hawaii, an act by the "Empire of Japan". Please try to look past all of that materialistic stuff like gifts or that you looked like crap at that moment. Him, I love with all my heart. Not everyone cares as much about the party, and that's 100% okay. Save I'm getting married next Friday, and I am not excited at all. The way people are "dating" nowadays is such a turn off that I think I would need more convincing to date rather than to not date. Can you explain what she'll experience if she breaks up with him? I think this whole thing was just a miscommunication. So stop thinking about everything you want to stay and practice your fake-ass smile because you're going to need it. All rights reserved. I didnt want to tell anyone my proposal story. After a month my boyfriend decided to join me for a couple of weeks + we planned a weekend in Miami. refuses to let anyone tell her how she's going to be. It was perfect for us. I'm really not, so the event itself didn't really get me amped. We have talked about waiting and everything but we like the idea of spring 2012 which is plenty of time to get excited. I actually think this is really normal. They can plan their lives accordingly and grow comfortable before taking the leap. I don't think I will get a second chance at a do-over. I always joke to friends about how nice it would be to have a boyfriend just to have someone, but my reality is that I am too stubborn to let go of ideals set from years of obsessing over young adult novels and romantic comedies. Do you think your relationship will change after you get married? Women can certainly think about it a lot, but because men usually have the Power of the Proposal, they're able to take real, concrete time to come to terms with this massive change. There are days when you just need your mom. Will you accomplish anything by pooping on their party? It was shocking to even consider being miserable at a time like this. This felt distinctly bad. We were in a relationship for about five years and I started having second thoughts. By Kate Duer February 13, 2016 Getting engaged can be depressing. 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